Blank..

Ever have those days where you have so much to say but you can't find the words to get it out right. Yeah, that is me right now. In my head I have a million things I want/need to say, but I stop myself. A.) People I know actually read this now B.) I don't know if I am ready to share some stuff C.) I feel like I have to watch what I say now because people I actually know read this. Don't get me wrong, I have never hidden this from anyone, in fact the link is on my facebook, but no one ever saw it I guess, until now. I know it is my blog and I should be free to say whatever it is I want, but for now I am being reserved. Josh still reads this from time to time, and that doesnt bother me one bit, because well he has always read it, I have never hid it from him, nor will I ever. It just people who used to be a part of my day to day life, have "stumbled" upon my blog. I'm not sure how I feel about them having access to "my life", my every thought and feeling. So today I am being reserved, I will hold back what I want to really say...

Anyone else ever have days like that?





{one} what’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?


I haven't been on a "date" with someone I have just met in so long, so I don't have a bad one.


{two} if you could be any other person for one day, who would it be?

Princess Catherine. I have always wanted to know what it would be like to be treated like royalty.


{three} what is your favorite kind of cheese?

I absolutely LOVE cheese. Mozzarella and Colby Jack are my favorites though.


{four} do you remember your 1st grade teacher?

I do! Her name was Mrs. Elliot. She was my favorite teacher, I have pictures of us together.


{five} who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?

No one anymore, although I'm guilty to say, sometimes Josh.


{six} were you ever in a school talent show?

I have been in a couple when I was little. Don't remember what for though.


{seven} who is your favorite fictional character?

Umm. Carrie Bradshaw? haha.


{eight} can you open your eyes underwater?

No. It freaks me out, so I would never try.


{nine} do you look at the keyboard when you type?

Not usually. Unless I am typing laying down.


{ten} when was the last time you took a nap?

Monday afternoon. And my wakeup was wonderful, after the initial scare.

I left the house..

FINALLY! I actually went and met up with some friends. I didn't have a horrible time, just still trying to adjust. But here's some pictures :)

I don't know how to make them be normal, so bear with them being sideways!

Dreams..

So for the past week I keep having dreams of either me dying or Josh and I getting back together. Weird, huh? I can't really explain it, because I don't know why myself. But last night, once again, I had a dream that Josh showed up at my house, apologized for everything, took me in his arms and kissed me for what felt like eternity. Then of course I woke up right when it was getting good. And when I fell asleep again, I had another dream. Josh had basically shut me out, told me to never talk to him again, but for whatever reason we were on the street and when he told me that I walked to a empty bus stop thing and I sat down. Well in the middle of me crying, some guy was being chased by the police and ran into the bus stop I just so happened to be sitting in and bam, the whole thing blew up. There I lay on the ground, not sure if I was dying or what, but Josh was no where to be found. And when I woke up I was crying real tears. I don't really know what is going on in that brain of mine.

On a lighter note, I went to my friends house last night for a little bit. Mainly because I am at a loss as to what to do (previous post), so I thought I would just go and try to clear my head and ask the boys their opinion. But obviously they were all biased towards me, which I love but it wasn't helping the situation. I had a little fun. It was nice to just forget about everything, even if it was for only a few minutes at a time.

Crazy Saturday Night

So this past Saturday I went out with my best friend to the Valley. We ended up meeting up with our friends Brittany and Lauren and also our new friend Amy. Our other friend Emil was supposed to have people over at his house that same night too, well turns out he ended up coming to the Valley with his friend Shane. We had a good night all night, no drama. Just had a nice chill night with my friends. After the bars closed, we ended up going back to Emil's house for a few. Thats when the night got ugly...

I was talking to Jenner and my friend Kayla and all I remember is Shane saying something to me from across the room and then he came over, picked me up over his shoulders, and all I remember is laying on the floor. Apparently he had dropped me, but he didn't just drop me, he dropped me hard into a corner of a wall, made me black out for a few minutes.

I have a battle mark on the back of my neck that I hope doesn't scar. And I have a pinched nerve and my spine is bruised up pretty bad. Lucky lucky me. I didn't go to the hospital until Monday night, and the doctors questioned why I waited so long to come in. Umm hello, because I hate hospitals and had hoped it wouldn't get any worse, but it wasn't lookin good. Now I have these God awful headaches because of that pinched nerve. The worst thing is, I guess their is nothing I can do except ice it and put a heat pad on it every hour.

Boyfriend kept me company while I was in the hospital since he couldn't physically be here :) so that made things a little easier. But I have to be 100% by 10 days because my mannn will be home on leave, so lets hope for the best!!!

Those "other" days

So I'm finally getting into a routine of living life without my other half, although all it consists of is school, gym, work and sleep. The only other way I would have it is if my boyfriend was here too. But it still sucks, I've genuinely never missed someone so much. To have someone who loves you unconditionally and for you to love them just as much is the most amazing feeling in the world. He makes me smile even when he is 684 miles away from home. 3 weeks, 3 weeks until I get to hold him and kiss him again, even if it is only for a couple days.

I was told that the first week is the hardest, that once you get past the first week your golden. But I feel like that is a lie. Yeah, I had my moments the first couple days after he left but I was ultimately fine. Today though, horrible mood. I think its stemming from me going out with my friends last night though. I didn't go out with friends I talk to on a regular bases, so they didn't know Josh had left. So of course I get the twenty questions, where's your boyfriend? Oh, what is he doing in Missouri? Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry! I know they mean well, but its so frustrating. And the whole PDA stuff, I just want to smack people. Mainly because I can't kiss my boyfriend a whole bunch of times a day right now, so yes - it makes me a litttle bit jealous. ha, I can at least admit that much. But I'm hoping once I go to sleep and start another fantastic week tomorrow that my mood will be much better. I have to go back to being that strong girlfriend behind her man. Ha, I can't afford to have days like today, because I can handle four months just fine and I don't want my boyfriend to think otherwise. Some days are better than others, today was just one of those "other" days. ily babe!

birthday celebrations

so mine and kennys birthday bash was great. i was actually early for once in my life to kennys house, but only because i didnt make it in time to go to dinner with the boyfriend. he was mad at me all night for that too. so many of my AMAZING friends showed up. lets see..the main ones of course, kenny, myself, jenner, danny, davis, and josh. then we got kyla and her friends. the entire household of joes house came. dominique, jennifer and mar mar stopped by. jeanetta made an appearance. marissa came! my favoritest neighbors/family in the world came, taylor, alvin and king. pretty sure i missed some people but thats the run down. i never made it onto the pong table, not even once. i was too occupied with talking to everyone. lol. go figure - put some wine in me and i just talk and talk and talk. speaking of wine though - i had this amazing wine glass that said "birthday bitch" on it and it held an entire bottle of wine. quite amazing. i almost finished two bottles of wine, before it got taken from me at the end of the night. i bought a case of beer also, that i never even touched, nor picked up. so kenny, you finally got your beer that i owed you. haha. i think i ended up leaving around 130. the booski came and picked me up because no one would let me drive, and all i had to drink was some wine, oh and whatever jennifer poured into my wine glass. haha. here's some photo's from the evening.

I was trying to leave but kept taking pictures. lol

Margo and Me
the vane block crew - i love themm

Husbandy & I - It was OUR birthdays :)