Dreams

Last night I kept having these awful dreams about hubs.

Not anything to have to do with his deployment, but he 

was home, we were living our normal life. It all felt so

real. I was pregnant, a little further along than I am now,

and I had just found out that he cheated on me, again...

(It's not secret what happened before)....

Yes, I woke up crying & I was tossing and turning.

But that fact that he just didn't care killed me, again.

And here I was pregnant with his baby.

The kicker though, I woke up probably 3 

different times and ALL 3 times I would go

right back to that dream, it just kept continuing

every time and it didn't get much better any time.

I finally woke up around 730am and stayed up 

because I couldn't deal with that again. But now

I have this horrible gut wrenching feeling that

maybe it was trying to tell me something.

How often do dreams just continue on like that?

The last thing I want to do is bring it up to hubs

though, because the whole topic is touch and go

because I tend to make it worse ( I think I have

every right though). But I still can't shake that

bad feeling and its only10:50am...

Dreams..

So for the past week I keep having dreams of either me dying or Josh and I getting back together. Weird, huh? I can't really explain it, because I don't know why myself. But last night, once again, I had a dream that Josh showed up at my house, apologized for everything, took me in his arms and kissed me for what felt like eternity. Then of course I woke up right when it was getting good. And when I fell asleep again, I had another dream. Josh had basically shut me out, told me to never talk to him again, but for whatever reason we were on the street and when he told me that I walked to a empty bus stop thing and I sat down. Well in the middle of me crying, some guy was being chased by the police and ran into the bus stop I just so happened to be sitting in and bam, the whole thing blew up. There I lay on the ground, not sure if I was dying or what, but Josh was no where to be found. And when I woke up I was crying real tears. I don't really know what is going on in that brain of mine.

On a lighter note, I went to my friends house last night for a little bit. Mainly because I am at a loss as to what to do (previous post), so I thought I would just go and try to clear my head and ask the boys their opinion. But obviously they were all biased towards me, which I love but it wasn't helping the situation. I had a little fun. It was nice to just forget about everything, even if it was for only a few minutes at a time.