Friday, February 5, 2010

love is the easy part

sooo i called my recruiter back this morning. just waiting for that phone call. maybe he can answer some of my many questions that i have. i guess this push is what i needed. my family and friends and him were the only thing keeping me around. but my family would be upset at first but i just want to make them proud and i know my dad would be sooo proud of me deep down. he hasnt been doing the best lately with his health so i want to cherish what time i do have left with him around, although i dont want to jinx anything. my friends, my select group of really close friends whom i adore with everything in me, they will be mad. especially my girlfriend ;) and my husband, but just think them seeing me graduate from basic would be amazing. then they would know i made the right choice. and well him, its hard to say his name anymore, but we talked, kind of. and he is questioning alot of things right now, and well me and my love and his love for me is one of those. if you have that many doubts that it actually pushes us apart from each other, chances are it wont work out. do i want that, no!! but its out of my control. just know babe that i love you and i was the one person who would have been in your corner no matter what decision you made. you chose to leave me though. him doing this just gives me the motivation even more to leave. if you dont have love you dont have anything.

on another note, dear john comes out today!! yay, probably goin monday night to see it. you know 5 dollar nights. haha. im cheap what can i say. but im gonna ball my eyes out, this i already know, especially right now. but the book was soooo good. i have to see the movie. <3

sooo i have a nice kitty scratch on my face from bubba, jenner's kitten. he likes me more than her. hahha ;) even though i hate cats. but we had tequila and pringle night last night. just us two. it was fun. except dont ever buy cheap tequila, its def no good. you should have saw us trying to swallow this stuff. it was amusing. gonna probably finish that bad boy off this weekend.

i talked to my husbandy last night. he loves me and he'll kill for me. well not literally, just talk about it with me. bahahaha. but our birthdays are 3 days apart. mines the 24th and his is the 27th. were supposed to do dinner on my birthday and were having a party on his for both of ours, but i just dont feel up to celebrating. all i want to do is lay in my bed and be alone. im hurt so i guess i want other people to hurt, but i really dont, thats why im choosing to stay in my bed so i dont show my mean side. because its not fair for everyone else. but idk, he claims he is forcing me out of my house, jenner too. so we'll see. but im about to go get my study on. byeee loves <3


jenner lyn loren said...

lauren i do love you. and you joining the army is NOT the best choice for you, you're pushing yourself towards that more now, because things aren't working out for you in the love department. i dont care if you've always thought about it. you canNOT run away from your problems. so dont persue this army thing for all the wrongggg reasons. do you really want to commit to them for 4,5,6 years?! (whatever it is!) in this blog you talked about your dad "i want to cherish what time i do have left with him around" .. but you're willing to go away for basic, possibly go active, possibly be deployed?! in my gut i feel this is a wrong decision for you to make. thats why im so stubborn when you talk to me about it. i dont want you to do it. but thats the last and only things im gonna say about it.

Anonymous said...

Miss loren makes a convincing argument.