Red Cross Is No Help

Okay, so I never thought I would actually have to ever make a call to the red cross for my husband. Sadly, we had to. His biological father passed away really suddenly. He went in for a chest x-ray for a cough that he had, only to find out he had stage 4 lung cancer. He passed away soon after finding out. Cue in, us making the call to the Red Cross. As of right now, I have nothing good to say about this entire experience of getting him home for emergency leave. In fact, it has been extremely stressful for everyone involved. And because they waited to make the call to my husbands chain of command because they "didn't have sufficient information", we may not make it in time for the wake because we have to travel to Boston.

Cue in my frustrations with the Army. They can't make this any easier by sending him straight to Boston instead of home and then having to get back on another plane almost immediately. All because he has to be flown into his "home of record". Its bad enough he didn't get to say goodbye, now we have to miss part of the funeral because they want to leave it up to the airline company on weather or not they will let him go straight to Boston...

I seriously just want to scream. Although words can't describe how excited I am to see my husband, I just wish it wasn't on such horrible circumstances. I have to look at it as some sort of blessing that we get to see him again. Well I should be packing, so I should probably get back to that. Goodnight ladies...

Exhausted

So I had surgery on Tuesday,

to essentially "save the baby".

It has been exhausting, mentally and physically.

I don't know how people can be on bed rest for months and months.

I for one am fed up with it.

I consider myself pretty independent.

I hate having to rely on other people for stupid petty things,

like getting me a glass of water or making me food.

Yes, I am not allowed to do any of the above,

along with many other things.

Put that and actually being in physical pain together,

BAD combination.

I am waiting for the physical pain to go away.

So that I can at least sit in a chair and not be in pain,

or even walk around for longer than 10 minutes

without having to rest for 2 hours after those 10 minutes.

It is frustrating. It is even more frustrating having my husband gone.

Having him be so busy that I don't get to talk to him until

10 at night sometimes.

I know I know, it comes with the territory.

But right now, I am fed up and sick of it.

I didn't sign up to be pregnant alone, let alone

have to go through all of these god awful issues alone, too.

Having to be in the hospital literally all day.

Not being able to feel my legs for a good portion of that day.

The physical pain after. God, I hope it gets better.

I can't do this for 7 more months, especially alone.

I don't mean to go on and on. I'm just frustrated.

I am stuck in bed 24/7 with no real connection to the world.

No real connection to my husband.

I get irritated so easily.

All I want to do is be able to go outside, to come and go

as I please again.

Please let this pregnancy get easier, pleaseee!

4 Months Stronger

Dear Army,
Boyfriend and I defeated you! Our four month seperation is almost complete. My baby will be home in 4 days, count them, 4 days!! I am beyond excited! I can't wait to see him, and kiss him, and just hold him. He is my absolute best friend, and we made it through this little adventure so easily. I've had my ups and downs and so has he, but we came out of this stronger then ever. The statement, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", is such a true statement. I just can't wait to see him, and see where the future goes :) Wish us luck with him getting this job opportunity and us hopefully moving!!!

Just A Thank You

So I know it has been a while, I have been busy with life lately. But I felt the need to share how my night went tonight. I went out with my best friend Jenner and our friend Sunny. We ended up meeting up with some mutual friends, then some more mutual friends we went to school with, including my favorite married couple, Kristyne and Mark, showed up to Johnny Malloys. We had some food, some beers, and 2 - I repeat 2 fish bowls later, we finally left. But right before I was planning on closing my tab at the bar I ran into my old art teacher from high school, Mr. P!! I had to ask him if it was still, "Pimp master P x3" haha. It's a nickname we gave him when I was a senior in high school. I was the daughter and he was the dad, it was a joke we had because he graduated the same year and same school that my dad did. Needless to say it was an easy class to pass, even though it was crafts. lol.

After all that happened, I tried to help Sunny play matchmaker with Jenner. Didn't work out as planned, but I have faith it'll work out. We left the bar we were at, and ended up going to meet up with Jenner's friend Katie at some random ass bar I never knew existed right behind the place we get wings with the gang. We were there probably a half hour before we left. Well Katies friend's brother was at the bar with us. I found out he was home for a week leave from California. He was in between his training and his deployment to Afghanistan. While we were getting ready to leave, I told Katie to get her friend because I felt compelled to say something. Everyone who knew me, including my best friend either thought I was trying to hit on him or to just get a free drink. When I got his attention, all I said was, "Thank you for serving and good luck." Her sister was like, "Aww, that was nice of you."

I guess Josh has wore off on me a little more than I thought. That is something he is famous for doing, walking up to veterans and telling them thank you. I never thought it would be me in that situation doing the exact same thing, without him even being here. I guess I just felt compelled to say something. After being with my boyfriend for as long as I have, I have discovered a new found meaning to military men and woman serving. They are amazing, no matter what branch of service they are in. So right there in that bar tonight, I felt the need to smile and say thank you to him. I never met the man in my life, nor will I ever see him again, I feel like he will remember at least me saying thank you to him, even if I am the only one. I just want the men and woman to know their duty to America does not go unnoticed.

Horrible everything

So as of today I have been in the worst possible mood. I really just want my babe back and well I can't have that. Yesterday was the first day I had a real conversation with him since this past Sunday. I know it may not sound like that long but for me its foreverrrr. I miss seeing his face, I miss hearing his voice, I miss him making fun of me. Ughhh, like I said, horrible mood. I know he is 684 miles away and has to make a new life while he is out there in Leonard Wood, I just feel like he has forgot about me back at home sometimes. I know its not true, well I hope its not true, but its how I feel sometimes. Or its just me in this shitty mood and I feel like everything is a million times worse than it really is. So I'm going boozing with my best friend/partner in crime tonight. It will either make me feel better or make it even worse, we shall seee!!!

On a better note, boyfriend gets a 4 day pass for the 4th of July in 13 dayyssss :) Thats probably the only highlight of my dayyy. Okay, im done. Just had to vent before I left to go out.

Reality hasn't set in yet...

So boyfriend's been gone 3 days so far, and I'm pretty sure it has yet to sink in fully that he isn't coming home for a while because I got used to him leaving for a couple days at a time. But I get to talk to him and were working on the whole web cam thing. I'm more than glad I took his pillow, it smells just like him. It helps me sleep at night. All the fun stuff begins for him tomorrow, poor thing has to be up and ready at 0430.

On a better note, we had a cook-out for my dads birthday today. The old man turned 55 on friday. I'm just glad the rain held out because it has been raining non-stop basically since Friday. My middle sister never showed up until the party was over, kind of pointless to even come over - but whatever. It was good just to be around the family and friends.

My best friend Jenner and I finally went and saw Sex and the City 2 tonight. It was long and a little bit drug out, but overall it was good. It was good to get out and do something finally. But tomorrow's monday so that means school and work start all over, so night everyone!!

7 Days

So I'm down to my last 7 days with my love. It's all becoming so surreal that he is actually leaving. We started to pack up all his stuff in his room yesterday, its all just a little bittersweet. I knew it was coming for so long, but now its finally here. I had a minor melt down this morning right after class. I couldnt focus in class if my life depended on it. As soon as I got into my car, i just cried and he isnt even gone yet. But my bestest friend since I was 4 talked me out of it. She made me realize all the good things that will come out of this. She will more than likely be my go to person because she has been through this, and is about to go through it again with her husband, that is of course when talking to my other half isn't an option.

I bought a $1400 computer from Sony, just so I could be able to see him on the webcam as much as possible. Yeah I needed a new computer eventually, but he was the main reason I finally bought one. Now I am just paitently waiting on it to arrive. Well thats all for now, I have to go work on some little "projects"that I am trying to finish before Thursday morning.

I love you!!

22 friggin daysss

Yep, only 22 days till boyfriend leaves for Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. And i finally cried the other day. ha, im pathetic!

Weekend in recap!!

So my boyfriend ,yet again, had to leave me for the weekend to play army. So I decided to take the time and be with my bestest friend ever because I missed her. Friday I worked until 10pm, like always. But the night was half bad, maybe its because i got a surprise phone call AT WORK from boyfriend. Its the little things that matter the most to me, you know, stuff like that. I swear it made my night. I am really not a hard perosn to please.

Saturday morning I worked for a girl at my job, only 730 to 12 though. Came home and did some serious cleaning in my rooms. LOL, yes i said rooms. They were a disaster zone. Then Jenner calls me up and asks if i wanna go to verizon with her. We ended up being there for hours. bahaha. but she got the droid and im jealous. Come one Juneee!! LOL. While I was getting ready to go out with Jenner, Kelly and Susie, my mom calls and tells me to come downstairs. Mom and Pops got me a set of PINK golfclubs!!! I was so excited. Not that I am the best golfer, but now i can go whenever I want cuz I dont have to use my dad's friends. And now I can spend time with my dad since he has been sick lately. After meeting up with Jenner and having some to-go beers, we met up with Kelly and Susie at this hicktown bar in Springfield. The way people were dressed in this place was from like the 90's or something; skirts, side ponytails, windbreakers. baahahaha. But Kelly was exra feisty because her bf's ex was there, which made things even more interesting. Somehow Kelly and I ended up karaoking Got Money-Lil Wayne, and Susie joined in and Jenner just laughed her ass off at us. It had to be one of the proudest moments with my friends. That song will never be the same anymore. And Kelly was sooo into it, which made it even better. Needless to say, the night was fabulous!!

Sunday, I was up way earlier then I should have been. I have been reading a book called The Last Song, by Nicholas Sparks. I absolutely love his books, I think I have almost every book he has written. I ended up finishing the book though Sunday morning. I have never cried while reading a book until that one. So Jenner and I decided to go do lunch and see the actual movie. We ended up not making it to the lunch part, well because we both suck at getting places on time, lol. But the movie was soo good too, made me cry. haha. After the movie, I seriously didn't come out of my bedroom except to move my car out of the driveway the rest of the day. I ended up taking a nap somewhere in all that time. Which is why I am up wayyy early.

Exactly 40 days today until my love leaves me for Ft. Leonardwood, MO. 40 days is not long enough, 40 days for him to be gone 4 months!! I knew all about this coming into this relationship, but I didnt think in the end I would end up falling in love with him like I have. And now it sucks and I hate it. But I am going to be the best girlfriend everrrr when he is gone :)

spring break has arrived

So for Spring Break I was supposed to be going to Vegas with the ladies, Jenner and Kelly, well that all fell through because someone has to be buying a house ;) haha. So then I was gonna go on a boozing adventure to Fort Myers, Florida with my father to visit our family down there, but my wonderful mother shot that idea down, damnnn herrr!! So now I'm stuck in the wonderfulness of Ohio for a week of slaving away at the work place and doing homework, while damn near everyone I know will be on vacation somewhere. Boyfriend leaves for Vegas Saturday morning, but he'll only be gone for half the week, thank goodnessss! :)

Las Vegas Skyline :)

Fort Myers, Florida :)

I was walking to class this morning and I realized I have to "move out" of the boyfriends house today or tomorrow. damn near half of my clothes are there, and all the stuff I use on a daily basis is there as well. I cant go 5 days without my stuff. haha. Speaking of boyfriend though, I have bascially been living there the past couple of weeks. But the way I see it is, I have to get my QT time in with him now because next month he will either been out of state for Army stuff or just busy in general with Army stuff so I will hardly see him.

Needless to say, my spring break will be not exciting at all, which blowssss :(

the week from hell

so seriously these past two weeks have been hell. i've hit that point in the semester where i have no motivation to do anything. my comp 2 teacher is awful and i clearly just want to drop the class, but that is not an option. i have a paper due today, which is not finished. and i work the entire rest of the week. I had a test this morning and a test tomorrow in my other classes. i am so frustrated with life right now. i hate to ask for help, its the one thing i refuse to do, but i feel like i am all out of options....

last night Josh was like, "are you sure your not on your period? you dont ever complain this much." which he's right, i dont. im just not having a good couple of weeks. i havent figured out if its school, life, or both. but whatever it is, it needs to pass. this isnt me and i dont like feeling like this...all i want to do is sleep. idk if its the stress of things, but i just seriously want to sleep. i think my body is telling me im doing too much or something. im constantly tired. like right now i could go to sleep and i slept soo good last night too.

update: enough complaining, let me give an update on life. Josh's roommate Joey is proposing to his girlfriend on friday. the ring is absolutely beautifulll...she's a lucky lucky girl. lets just see if he can hold out until friday. haha. Josh and I are better then ever. I seriously love him beyond words. the next couple months though, i wont get to see him as much though because of ROTC and the Army. but he Commissions and graduates in May and i could not be any more proud of him. i loveee you baby babeee ;)