So its way beyond my bed time, but I can't sleep. Josh wants to know who told me all the information about him cheating on me. And I am really struggling with whether or not I should tell him. Obviously if I knew that telling him would make things okay with us, to the point where we can at least be friends again, then I would tell him. But there is no guarentee that any of that will happen. There is that chance that if I tell him who it was, then he will just take that information and never talk to me again. That is clearly not what I want, I want him, I want my best friend back, I want my babe back. That is not happening though, so friends is the second best thing. But he isn't giving me a clear answer, so what if I do tell him, then where does that leave me, obviously no where because he would have no reason to talk to me anymore. But in the same sense, if he isn't gonna talk to me anymore, I am perfectly fine with never telling him who it was. I don't want to give him anymore satisfaction. He already got what he wanted, me gone, out of his life. So what's the point of telling him. He said in order for us to get to the level of being friends again, he would have to know who it was who told me. The crappy thing is, I am really bad at keeping secrets. So even if I do hold off, I'm sure one day down the road I would crack.
I tried to talk to my friends tonight, but they are obviously all biased towards me and my feelings, and they think he doesn't even deserve to be talking to me still. But those are my friends and I love them and wouldn't expect anything less from them. I just can't find anyone who is neutral territory, somebody from the outside. So I am asking you, yes the one reading this, what should I do. Obviously if you haven't read my last couple of post, you might want to do that to understand what is going on, but im literally stuck. I am stuck between telling him who it was and MAYBE having the chance to be somewhat friends again, or just not telling him at all and probably never talking to him again...Yeah he did A LOT of not so nice stuff that is in no way easily forgivable, but lover conquers all, at least in my heart.