Saturday, May 7, 2011

In Need of Neutral Ground

So its way beyond my bed time, but I can't sleep. Josh wants to know who told me all the information about him cheating on me. And I am really struggling with whether or not I should tell him. Obviously if I knew that telling him would make things okay with us, to the point where we can at least be friends again, then I would tell him. But there is no guarentee that any of that will happen. There is that chance that if I tell him who it was, then he will just take that information and never talk to me again. That is clearly not what I want, I want him, I want my best friend back, I want my babe back. That is not happening though, so friends is the second best thing. But he isn't giving me a clear answer, so what if I do tell him, then where does that leave me, obviously no where because he would have no reason to talk to me anymore. But in the same sense, if he isn't gonna talk to me anymore, I am perfectly fine with never telling him who it was. I don't want to give him anymore satisfaction. He already got what he wanted, me gone, out of his life. So what's the point of telling him. He said in order for us to get to the level of being friends again, he would have to know who it was who told me. The crappy thing is, I am really bad at keeping secrets. So even if I do hold off, I'm sure one day down the road I would crack.

I tried to talk to my friends tonight, but they are obviously all biased towards me and my feelings, and they think he doesn't even deserve to be talking to me still. But those are my friends and I love them and wouldn't expect anything less from them. I just can't find anyone who is neutral territory, somebody from the outside. So I am asking you, yes the one reading this, what should I do. Obviously if you haven't read my last couple of post, you might want to do that to understand what is going on, but im literally stuck. I am stuck between telling him who it was and MAYBE having the chance to be somewhat friends again, or just not telling him at all and probably never talking to him again...Yeah he did A LOT of not so nice stuff that is in no way easily forgivable, but lover conquers all, at least in my heart.


Katie said...

Do whatever YOU want and what YOU think is best for yourself at this time and whatever makes YOU happy or at least more satisfied. I had/have this issue with friends too...they don't understand because they are on the outside, they aren't you & so they don't think the same way as you about things and they also don't understand all the feelings you have about him cheating. I was cheated on numerous times as well, and I was once at the same spot you are I thought there was no chance of ever getting him back and I DID want him back even after all he did to me, even though it made more sense to myself and everone to just run. But like you said, love conquers all. Love never fails. Sometimes it IS possible to work through things this tough, but it takes a lot of maturing on both ends and both have to want it. You never know what will happen later on down the road! Keep your head up girl. I hope it might help you a tad to see that I was in the same boat you are in, and Jon and I are pretty much back's taken a TON of work, and will take more work, but if we can do it, so can you guys if you get the chance one day. <3 I hope he comes to his senses fast!

Mrs. Sergeant said...

Katie nailed it... Do what feels right to you! I know easier said than done, but that's how it's got to be Sweets.